Good Juu Juu’s Crystal Peen Queen is passionate about healing Pussy Trauma

Posted by Sierra Lewis on

As our Crystals for Sexual Healing collection is growing more popular, I want to explain why I developed a strong connection with crystals for vaginal/womb healing. I’ve previously written about the crystal phallus selection and how they can be used and cleaned. This post isn't about crystals. This is my raw and unfiltered personal story of ‘pussy trauma’, the notable feminine experiences which prompted a personal spiritual awakening (and ultimately led to the creation of Good Juu Juu).


A few years ago, I reached my peak of suffering from a flurry of PMDD symptoms. My menstrual cycle felt like an enemy. It was constantly causing me pain - physical, emotional, and mental. My attitude toward my body (and my womb specifically) was fearful and mistrusting. I felt like a victim of my own bodily functions. I would daydream about how much easier and painless my life could’ve been if I was born as my brother.. with NO ovaries! I felt like I was running out of options. So many doctors, so many prescriptions, so little relief. 


I was looking for a ‘cure’ for my PMDD, and instead - got the biggest lesson of my life. I learned acceptance of self, acceptance of body and its rhythms and functions.  My life was transformed and what was once my biggest obstacle, turned into an opportunity to transcend previous ways of being, awaken to my true nature, and learn the invaluable lesson of self compassion.

2010 - My battle with hormonal acne (one that would persist for 10+ years) begins. I’m talking about deep, painful cystic bumps - particularly along my jawline, but sometimes on my forehead, temples and around my mouth. The persistent acne was a huge blow to my esteem. I regularly cancelled plans with friends because of volcano sized pimples. What made it worse was my compulsive habit to pick, poke and push at every blemish - which of course only made them more angry and noticeable and longer to heal. Hello, hormones.

2012 - I experienced my first (and only to date) ovarian cyst. The pain was indescribable, it felt like something inside of me was exploding. After whimpering in pain for a couple hours, despite taking several pain killers, I went to the emergency room. By the time they did an ultrasound, the cyst had ruptured. I discovered I had PCOS.

Around the same time, recurring yeast infections before menstruation became persistent. I always had a stash of Monistat, ready and waiting for the next cyclical infection. I became extremely self conscious and would create excuses to avoid intimacy around certain times of my cycle. I was too embarrassed to tell my partners or gynecologist how often this was happening. I remember feeling self loathing, shameful and hopeless at times.

2015 - I began seeing a therapist in hopes of working through the emotional facets of my PMS. Unexplained crying spells, spiraling into deep depression and hopelessness, angry outbursts and erratic behaviors. I was taking sick days or vacation days before my period, because I knew the storm was coming. I had to leave work early on several occasions because I would randomly burst into tears and start sobbing at my desk or in the bathroom. My therapy sessions slowly revealed that I was suffering from PMDD.

2017 - I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in California for an employment opportunity. An exciting time for my career, but a challenging time for my mental health.  I remember feeling emotionally raw and desperate for relief. My PMDD was becoming so debilitating that my new gynecologist suggested seeing a psychiatrist. I felt resistant (“Does seeing a psychiatrist mean I’m CRAZY?”) but I was desperate to feel “normal. I found a local psychiatrist with experience working with PMDD patients. I went to my first appointment in August of 2017 hoping I’d get prescribed Xanax or some sedative to numb the pain.

To my surprise, instead my psychiatrist recommended mindfulness practices, like yoga and meditation. I was open minded and around this time started practicing yoga, tried acupuncture, herbs and crystals - all which provided varying levels of relief from the physical symptoms. The mental symptoms proved harder to tackle.

Present Day - With diet (way less processed and refined foods, and bread and sugar in general), consistent exercise, and other lifestyle tweaks I am able to manage my PMDD, although some weeks are still easier than others.

My biggest realization through this journey is that with every monthly flow, I am given a new opportunity to heal by shedding some part of myself that’s worn out and no longer needed. In recent years, I am shedding so many bad habits and old, false narratives - all the stories I told myself that affirm victimhood. All the stories that make me feel ashamed, embarrassed and disgusted by my own body. All the stories about my womb just being a source of pain. These are subconscious blocks and resistances I’ve been working through the last couple of years.

Healing my relationship with my womb has been the most empowering spiritual journey. I now fully acknowledge and appreciate my womb as a sacred vessel, the bearer of life (birth) and death (menstruation).  Because of my own experience, I feel called to help other women dealing with their own ‘pussy trauma’, which may also be related to sexual abuse or reproductive issues like infertility.


We are all healing together!

Sierra


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